Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
