I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
