brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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