But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
