We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
