Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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