His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
