i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
