Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
