The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
