Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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