that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
