She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
