So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
