You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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