screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
