an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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