I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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