I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
