So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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