Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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