How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
