you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
is wine microwaveable?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
