Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
