Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
