okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
