My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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