Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
