I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
