I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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