you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
