Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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