My hand turned me down
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
