I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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