The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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