wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize