Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you win again, gameday.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
