You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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