I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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