Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
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Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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