The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
