Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
