Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
