so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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