Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
