So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
