i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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