Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Itβs amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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