After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
