last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
