Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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