I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
