Your dad touched me again.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
