The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
