if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
