I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
