you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
