we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
