4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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