You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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