go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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