I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
