I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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