the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
